One of the characteristics of an Indy Car driver and a musical maestro, both masters of their respective skill, is self-discipline. Were they undisciplined in pursuing knowledge and practice of their craft, they would never have risen to the heights of master. We want our rising home school high school students to exhibit self-discipline especially when they are ready to tackle the weightier ideas of life. But successful young adults don’t just wake up one day with a cheery smile and say, “I’m going to be self-disciplined today!” No, long before your home school child is ready to transition to the supervision of subjects, you have something to teach them besides language, critical thinking, and communication skills. In addition to content, you will gradually teach them good habits which will prepare them for the Socratic Paideia of the high school years where dialogue drives instruction.

Look at the word “self-discipline,” it’s easy to see that “self” refers to the individual, but the really interesting thing about the etymology or origin of the word “discipline” is that it comes from the latin noun disciplina (instruction) and the latin verb discere (to learn). A very familiar word to Christian parents also derives from these latin roots: disciple. So, in the simplest sense discipline is really instruction given to a disciple! As a parent, you are not just discipling your children to follow Jesus, but you are also discipling them to govern themselves.

Progressive Responsibility

When the kids were young, there was no home school schedule (at least one they knew of). I made all the decisions about the content, but over time, I gradually disciplined the children to take more responsibility for their work. In the beginning, I did not tell them what we were going to do that day. Schedules were flexible and depended quite a bit on how long I could hold their attention. As they got older, I began to give them a daily schedule with tasks that they were to complete. They enjoyed crossing out the task as it was finished, and it gave them a sense of accomplishment and motivation to keep plugging along until the entire day was done!

When I felt they were ready to handle more responsibility, I developed a weekly schedule of home school assignments by day which I expected them to tackle. Inevitably, some tasks were not accomplished and were postponed to the next day, but overall, it was a good way to show them the whole week at a glance and teach them longer term planning.

Later, I began to give them a weekly schedule, but this time, I did not tell them when they had to get the work done. In other words, I told them they were mature enough to budget their own time and could choose to do all their math lessons on Tuesday if they wanted or spread them over the week.

Finally, the summer before Meredith’s freshman year, we spent several hours in a visionary session where we went to the websites of a couple of colleges that she’s interested in, and we looked at the minimum admission requirements for her possible major and minor. We then chatted about what she had to accomplish to meet these minimums, and sketched out a very loose, four year strategic plan, or homeschool curriculum, to get there. Then she decided, with our blessing and counsel, which knowledge she wanted to acquire in detail for the next two semesters. So, she was now responsible for a semester curriculum which was totally her own responsibility. In effect, David and I had discipled her over the years to supervised independent study.

Appropriate Consequences

In a perfect world, the disciple would do exactly what he or she was supposed to do, but we know from the Gospels, that even Jesus’ disciples veered off course. Peter denied knowing him in the courtyard, and Judas arranged his arrest. Over the years, you’ve been teaching your home school child certain patterns of behavior, but every now and then, as the disciplinarian (another derivative of disciplina, “instruction”), you have to enforce order. David and I have found that it’s much easier to establish the consequences before the infraction is committed.

For instance, when the kids were younger, I didn’t punish them for missing one of my task deadlines. I am often overly ambitious, and I chalked the delays up to my optimism in setting the schedule. But now that I know what they are capable of doing, and now that they are older and more mature, they do receive consequences for failure to meet expectations. Connor, my almost-fourteen year old, is still operating with a weekly schedule, so if he doesn’t complete one of the tasks on the schedule, he has to keep working until he gets it done. This might mean extra hours in the afternoon or on the weekend. Meredith, my fifteen year old, didn’t finish her Algebra 1 this semester because of our overwhelming debate workload, so she’s working this summer (on her own timetable) to complete the Algebra 1lessons.

Consequences can be negative or positive. Sometimes the kids have cranked to get something done, and I’ll give them the rest of the week off as a reward for hard work. Incentives are not manipulative or coercive; they are more like unexpected rewards for good behavior or stellar performance. I think of them like a bonus for long hours or excellent work that your boss might give you at year-end. As a home school parent, you should strive to give your preteens and teens more and more responsibility so that they learn to govern themselves.  The resulting self-discipline will prepare them for the future day when you give them their  own unique homeschool curriculum and ask them to study independently.

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